What You Want What You See

It is either we notice or not, always remember, what you want inside is actually what you see. Yup I'm in that situation now. I'm glad. Alhamdullilah. I love the way they see thing and I love being with this kind of crowd. They didn't saphocated me with something that I hate to think of. They actually generated my idea and the way I see thng within myself. Most importanly, I love the feeling of this feelings. From there, I know where I'm heading to. Though it may have a lot of difficulties coming, but I know I'm happy with the way it make me happy.

I love how I'm not faking up with the details of the conversation. I don't pretend that I understand that conversation. I don't neet to worry if I they want me to understand that conversation where actually I don't really care. And most of all, I know that conversation with all of you will have a fullstop and will always gonna end soon. That is the worst among all. You wil always be the corner of that chapter. I just need a coma instead of fullstop. But for the time being, a need from me no longer an important mission. The thing that I get and how I take it to mylife is my concern. Maybe that is the best formula that I get from now.

I don't need to be ashamed of not intended for needed anything. Anything is enough as nothing to me.that is my version of something I guess. Perfect in imperfection. Love that since ages. Back to the main topic, as I siad it is clear when you really put your sense at the exact place. Observing life I would say. I might be crazy along the journey but at least I know and will find who am i rather than faking up just only being template  of human being.

Good nite goodnight...we will meet again soon. Promised!

Love,
Farisya

Small Soldier Battle

Hello myself,

How crazy I am now. I know. Have been avoiding to write for almost few moths. Trying hard to control n hiding this crazy feeling from anyone including you blog. Why? You r just a mute blog that can even talk to me back. Am I right? Ntah maybe I just don't want to hear myself complaining about my life again. But unfortunately, I can't. This is  my limit I think.

Fuh...I'm at startbucks now. I've just comeback from a wordrobe survey at mimpi kita. There is project thatbim currenltly doing. Just a small job in between this crazy emotion of mine. I'm glad I'm doing this after few months of being Wilson try to avoiding this crazy world. Is this wotld crazy or it just me who are too weak to facr the world.

So back to the story, why and what happen today? Starbuks really usefull nowdays. That lady in green who have stars in her head just give me a second chance to live today. Recently I had my first accident. Yup my first accident ever!!! There are a lot of drama in it. I can't directly report to the police because of my license are death. Why I didn't renew it? I don't meant to do that on purpose ok. Before that I had my saman from JPJ while I'm still on my P license. So that I have to pay a sum of amount that I cant aford that time or even now. So I let it be. Un till few days ago, after that accident happen  the plot of this story have getting  worst n worst. And unfortunately today, something bad happen again.

I wonder why now while I'm typing this. Is this a sign  of god trying to talk to me. Is Allah trying to teavh me something. What is it dear Allah? Am I a bad person here? If I'm too blind to you or if Im ti deaf to you , please let me see with my heart not my eyes or  if I'm deaf ,please let me hear with your heart not my ears. It seem all the road you given ti me seems hardly to walk through. Or. Need to push that wall and fly.?

But whatever it is, I need to get going. Buy that pembaris and unlock that small soldier n getbback to the road.amin.

Love,
Farisya

Sweetest Junk Draft

hey...

Same Old, Same Old

Today was like Dj Soundgraph, Ups and some down. But in the end i feel blessed all the feeling i gain today.
this post are actually my deepest heart to someone that ive been facing life togather for almost 8 years. Fun, young, wild, sad, strugle, sunny,breezy, windy, rainy and all the season that we had, it will always there.

fisrt of all, i am thankfull that you find meat the first place. haha...that moment will stays in my heart forever as  much as the stupid things that we went through. that moment on our favourite spot that only we know, im thinking as same as what i thought. i felt like, r you meant to be here by my side for show me the real feeling of my own.

i hate the way you read my minds how exact you words which lingers on my mind. until today i finally realise, when you said that word, "you always have me whenever you sick, and i will always there when you need me" that is wierd feeling actually. i know this is not love. this is beyond that. im thankfull for the word that you said.seriously i am blessed and even overwhelmed withyou thought. because deep down in my heart i know who the one i need when i feel bad about myself. you the only one that i want to talk to when i dont know who else. you the only one im imaganing myself with when im at the perfect place i go. you theonly person that i cant never say i love you even i know ill be losing you. though i know that you have someone else that can comfort you, though they will always listen to you, thought you have someone else that you can have fun with, though you will never have me with you to go through your life time. above that im blessed.

Lovers,
Farisya

That Confiusion

is this the same process as those girls i saw last night in you tube. have they face the same situation as mine right now? are they think of the same think that lingers in my minds now? thousands of them....sometimes i cant even spell them but still know. am i crazy? or is this what they called as "kegoncangan" that might happen? questions that make me confused with purpose of  my living. what is the big issues here?

i couldn't understand anymore. i know i should be grateful. but it seems like i don't exist anymore. i wonder who am i in this world? what is my purpose in life? is this world real? if it is not, please wake me up from this scary dream. i couldn't bare the burden of it darkness anymore.if this world is not real, then what is the real one? where? who r the people in there? and how i can be there out far from this world. am i faking myself all this while?and why should i fake around when the main thing is i don't even know where im living now.

while im searching for that journey, im sad again, where should i put those beloved of mine? i should carry them together or i should leave them behind. im searching for my strength that i thought them was my strength. but nope im wrong. i haven't  yet se it in them. then where?  my question keep on popping. how should i take this journey? im totally confused and crazy i am now.

i nearly see the beautiful happiness and love the other day. im totally amazed by the finding that i got. but today, this feeling strike me again. how should i maintain that happiness? how should i jail the feeling tight? because i need them. i know that is the only way of could answer all my crazy questions. and i miss that moment already. the short moment but really meaningful to me. i dont care what people said about me anymore. i dont care what people judge me anymore. and i dont give a damn about this crazy world that im living anymore. a world that people is a good actors. faking that happiness is with them. but deep down they alwasy felt alone and lonely. always trying to find that real love. 

and what is real love then? human? friends? animals? worlds? material? or yourself? becasue hoenstly i couldnt find them in any of it untill that day, it shows me a bit of that feeling that im searching all this while. and i felt, totaly betrayed by all this views infront of me. it totaly fooled me by all the beauty of the outside. and now i know i should chase that hint so that i can found the rest of love that ive been looking for. 

i need a courage to do so, i need to be always strong because i know this is for sure. ill know i will find what i want. because they never lied and they is real. 

"tenangkanlah jiwa ku, hanya Engkau yang memberi rahmat"

love,
farisya

Greatest Gift

May peace be with you.

Last 2445, i hope i don't forget that feeling. Im happy. In fact, it was the most happiest moment in my entire life. Everything seem floating in the air. Everything seem clear. Every burden i felt before was never exist. I know i have found my precious. And it was a gift than i cant never reject, cause i have no daya upaya to do so.

The answer to my question that ive been waiting all this while, finally im fully satisfied. You show your face to me in every view i saw, but today it is crystal to me.And today was the perfect time just as what as i need. You perfectly define yourself. Im glad. Im overjoyed. Even wishing if i ever could stays in this feeling. NO one else except for You.

Jangan pernah kau tinggal daku, kerana kaulah kekuatan ku. Jika tidak aku lah orang yang paling malang.

Love,

Farisya

Lost and Found

I guess maybe when we try
and do something beautiful

it’s a lot like being lost 

somewhere in an endless
ocean of dark

holding a fading sparkler.

It won’t last
very long

and maybe nobody else
can even see

but that doesn’t mean
it isn’t

pretty.

#theonlymagicleftisart

Love,

Farisya

Poison Green

as far as i see the green,
and while the bird flying on of those blue sky,
when the clouds seems big to grab,
hearing those noise between rail and that round tires,
bumping and sometimes side to side,
im there, seeing those greatest,
where am i? where i am?

on that fast movement,
i catch with my eyes,
a house which at side there was cloth hanging,
smiled on my face, which i know there was a hint of life,
on that sunny day,yellow and green while sometimes blue.
if only that window open,
i could have imagine how i showered my face with that breezy wind,
hey im looking for you,

left right and far right,
or nearly to those exit,
people came in and people came out.
sometime big blue-black pack,
or sometimes it nil.
where are you, if could only they came with that familiar face.
even with those sides of you, i wish i can recognize.

i want to be those birds that can break that clouds,
and i want to be those noise but unseen,
i want to be those person with that big blue-black pack
or the one that is nearly to those exit far right,
and the most that i wanted was..
could see the person that can see those things.

yours truly,
Farisya