School of Tought

I never thought what im facing now will be my future, and now it is! Future is attacking bruisingly.Seems my imagination was much much more happier than this. of course, this look more like a scary dark sapocated nightmare that i wish i could wake up as soon as i can be. hey, just look around for that stupid hole, that annoying rabbit and those walking aces cards. hurry and get out from that teapot after you get snap a picture of those amazing madhatter design. yaaa...even nightmare in my imagination seem cute and happy.

 

Once again, i never imagine my life will be THIS!!!

 

Jobless, no boyfriend, souless, broke and undecided between chasing dreams or jumping into those scarry world all over again. seriously, this is a shocking decision that i should settle in time. but the thing is, i have no time less. my clock is ticking and it is nearly going to stop because people now prefere to those digital. no more ticking!!!!

 

There is a place i need to find,

And need to be there in time

Don't try to over and out lies

Im just a grils who fighting her time.

 

Thanks to you Yuna. Your Mermaid is what i really need this time. it just suit my background and it full of it.

 

i know i should understand mysef better. i dont want this to happen. im trying here. im clueless and i wish i can get out from here as soon as i can, before that, please let me try to figure it out how and for you to know im trying hard not for anyone else but i know i do it for myself. because, i know as much anyone else would want me to be better than this, im the person who felt that more for myself. and i really hope i can settle this crazy shit of mine.

im trying to change. im trying to muhasabah diri, and im trying very hard hear to make everyone happy in order to make me happy. i would want to make some benefits to you. i want to be your diamond. proud asset.and im always want to make you happy. i never ever though ill be this way. im weak to pursue life. im scared to live and even scarier to make you worry about all those silly nonsense things that happen to me. i hate to give excuses because i know im weak when im doing that.

 

yes, mummy daddy, sisters and brother, friends im trying here as best as i can. just bare with me and please be at my side always. because i know im not strong enough to face this world on my own. if only you guys know how sucks my feelings now, it is even more sux if i try to let you guys found out my darkness. im not in peace.

 

please dear Allah, tiupkanlan kasih mu pada diriku, tiupkanlah kuatmu padaku, titipkanlah roh perang padaku dan kau tanamkanlah benih istiqamah. kau hantarlah pelindungmu dan kau pagarilah cintaku untuk kembali pada jalanmu di waktu singkatku ini. Moga dalam jalan itu aku dapat bertemu Kau dalam tiap saat penglihatanku, pendengaranku dan nafas qalbuku. amin. dan ya rasullah, ajarkan aku hidup dalam hidupmu. amin.

 

*emotional breakdown

 

harapkan jalan keluar,

Farisya Musa