School of Tought

I never thought what im facing now will be my future, and now it is! Future is attacking bruisingly.Seems my imagination was much much more happier than this. of course, this look more like a scary dark sapocated nightmare that i wish i could wake up as soon as i can be. hey, just look around for that stupid hole, that annoying rabbit and those walking aces cards. hurry and get out from that teapot after you get snap a picture of those amazing madhatter design. yaaa...even nightmare in my imagination seem cute and happy.

 

Once again, i never imagine my life will be THIS!!!

 

Jobless, no boyfriend, souless, broke and undecided between chasing dreams or jumping into those scarry world all over again. seriously, this is a shocking decision that i should settle in time. but the thing is, i have no time less. my clock is ticking and it is nearly going to stop because people now prefere to those digital. no more ticking!!!!

 

There is a place i need to find,

And need to be there in time

Don't try to over and out lies

Im just a grils who fighting her time.

 

Thanks to you Yuna. Your Mermaid is what i really need this time. it just suit my background and it full of it.

 

i know i should understand mysef better. i dont want this to happen. im trying here. im clueless and i wish i can get out from here as soon as i can, before that, please let me try to figure it out how and for you to know im trying hard not for anyone else but i know i do it for myself. because, i know as much anyone else would want me to be better than this, im the person who felt that more for myself. and i really hope i can settle this crazy shit of mine.

im trying to change. im trying to muhasabah diri, and im trying very hard hear to make everyone happy in order to make me happy. i would want to make some benefits to you. i want to be your diamond. proud asset.and im always want to make you happy. i never ever though ill be this way. im weak to pursue life. im scared to live and even scarier to make you worry about all those silly nonsense things that happen to me. i hate to give excuses because i know im weak when im doing that.

 

yes, mummy daddy, sisters and brother, friends im trying here as best as i can. just bare with me and please be at my side always. because i know im not strong enough to face this world on my own. if only you guys know how sucks my feelings now, it is even more sux if i try to let you guys found out my darkness. im not in peace.

 

please dear Allah, tiupkanlan kasih mu pada diriku, tiupkanlah kuatmu padaku, titipkanlah roh perang padaku dan kau tanamkanlah benih istiqamah. kau hantarlah pelindungmu dan kau pagarilah cintaku untuk kembali pada jalanmu di waktu singkatku ini. Moga dalam jalan itu aku dapat bertemu Kau dalam tiap saat penglihatanku, pendengaranku dan nafas qalbuku. amin. dan ya rasullah, ajarkan aku hidup dalam hidupmu. amin.

 

*emotional breakdown

 

harapkan jalan keluar,

Farisya Musa

Bukan Cermin Kusam

Aku tahu susah untuk tahu.
Apa yang kita jalankan.
Apa yang akan kita hadap didepan,
Mungkin sekarang kita menduga
dan mungkin esok kita tetap menduga
benarkah apa yang terduga oleh kita.

aku tahu saat ini masih sukar.
Masih dalam untuk kita paham.
jangan pernah salahkan waktu
lantas jangan kita pendam ini akan padam
dendam ini akan berikan nyawa
untuk hidup kental dan tega..
dan itu mungkin esok

aku munkin tak layak untuk paham
mungkin paham aku, racun untuk engkau,
harap aku, kau pun bukan cermin kusam.
keluhan itu buah manis peneman jatuh,
aku bantah tegas tutupkan dia
aku takut aku turut sama
x sempat engkau ku sambut,
jauh dalam kelam engkau dan aku,
sumpah aku x mahu kesana kita berdua.

hey, jom sama kita lawan,
kikiskan kusam yang berjelaga
lawan sampai kita jumpa..
kawan engkau yang ini.
dan diri engkau yang itu.
dalam cermin yang sama.

love,
farisya nadiah

Pecah

Lepas harap satu titik,
Tampungkan gelap walau x semua,
Belum sempat harap kumilik
Malam kau saksi gagah ku x lama,

Kau cubit hatiku,
Sama dulu mak x beli patung barbie,
Sekarang jelas rintih berbunyi,
Lagu haru milik hati.

Tuan besar jelas kau marah,
Hatiku sudah makin parah,
Saat Gerak tangan kau yg terarah,
Cukup buat tergelas pecah.

   Punah,

  Farisya Nadiah

Pouring Miracles

Bismillah...

(14:38) Our Lord! Surely You know all that we conceal and all that we reveal,⁵¹ and nothing in the earth or in the heaven is hidden from Allah.

Untill then, it was a pause. Total mute with only a sudden shock. Yaa, even to that shock! How loud it could be for Him. When even a silent is too loud to be heard. I felt has been listend to the word that ive not yet say. A feel of love appeared and yet understand that ive been understand! (*complicated i know)

Then, reciting continues...

(14:40) My Lord! Enable me and my offspring to establish Prayer, and do accept, our Lord, this prayer of mine.

Total silent, and thinking...

I think Allah just have answer Ibrahim's prayer. How that yet so far but yet so near to felt. More love has been found. Im hearing you dear Ibrahim, and i thank you for your rememberence towards me. Alhamdullilah Allah have granted me your wishes. Or maybe Allah has always wanted so or maybe this is what my father always asked from Allah.

Wow! Dad i love you for the love that have you poured on me all this while.. So that i hope i can repay your love though i know i have no power to that so....

So then....

This was recited to answer my wish...

(14:41) Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents and the believers on the Day when the reckoning will take place."

How thankful i am today, im fully blessed!  That magic of your words will never be compared to anything else. It always been true. Alhamdullilah. 

(Surah Ibrahim, 14:38-41)

Love, 

Farisya Musa

Tunggu

Sedang kurenungi nafas ini, 

Ku tahu sesak ku inginkan bahagiamu,

Walau jauh jalan ku harus tempuhi,

Deras arus perlahankan langkahku,

Aku mahu buat kau gembira,

Aku mahu ukir cahaya bahagia

Aku juga mahu tanam benih sayang

Walau ku tahu masaku tidak panjang

Alangkah bahagia jika senyummu untukku

Alangkah bahgia jika hiraumu untuk sayangku

Lebih enak lagi jika ianya bukan mimpi

Agar ianya cepat mendekati diri

Jangan kau kerutkan lagi dahi itu

Aku juga mahu kau tidak begitu

Risaukan aku karam dalam fana

Asyik aku, risau padamu mana? 

Aku belum bahagia

Selagi kau terluka

Pd Perbuatanku yg leka

X hirau akan risaumu

Janji padaku...

Kau akan tunggu...?!!

Love, 

Farisya Musa

Datang Malaikat

Mungkin malaaikat itu telah hadir

Mungkin jua ku tuli untuk sedar

Atau mungkin jua ku hapuskan tanpa periksa

Bukti sisiku, engkau selalu ada.

Mungkin hari ini ku perang di dalam dada

Perjuangkan apa kurasa

Atau tunduk pada hendak dunia

Yang pasti, didalam tak bisa dianayia

Kajian ku lemah tanpa ilmu mu

Kurenung dalam hadirnya di qalbuku

Malam itu kutemu kuat bertanya

Mungkin itu jua hadirmu membantuku

Seperti air yang kuteguk 

Kau kurniakan jualah arus air mengalir itu

Pada jasadku, agar sentiasa terus mengalir cair

Runtunkan redhamu disatukanku

Untuk langit dan bumi tanahku.

Ya malaikat itu datang padaku

Menyapa santun menamakan dirinya

Hendak jua ku balas budinya

Mungkin cukupkah dengan alhamdullilah?

Kan ku cuba! 

Regards,

Farisya

Hela Dunia Kecilku

Malam ini, aku baru mengerti,

Terlintas dihati lalu aku kaji, 

Ya benar dunia bukanlah setiasa berduri, 

Cuma aku leka ukur baju dibadan sendiri, 

Atau aku belum celik dari bermimpi,

Bahawa dunia kecilku belum gagah berdiri, 

Di hela dunia kuku besi.

Atau aku harus kaji buat bukti?

Hela,

Farisya Musa