Sweetest Junk Draft

hey...

Same Old, Same Old

Today was like Dj Soundgraph, Ups and some down. But in the end i feel blessed all the feeling i gain today.
this post are actually my deepest heart to someone that ive been facing life togather for almost 8 years. Fun, young, wild, sad, strugle, sunny,breezy, windy, rainy and all the season that we had, it will always there.

fisrt of all, i am thankfull that you find meat the first place. haha...that moment will stays in my heart forever as  much as the stupid things that we went through. that moment on our favourite spot that only we know, im thinking as same as what i thought. i felt like, r you meant to be here by my side for show me the real feeling of my own.

i hate the way you read my minds how exact you words which lingers on my mind. until today i finally realise, when you said that word, "you always have me whenever you sick, and i will always there when you need me" that is wierd feeling actually. i know this is not love. this is beyond that. im thankfull for the word that you said.seriously i am blessed and even overwhelmed withyou thought. because deep down in my heart i know who the one i need when i feel bad about myself. you the only one that i want to talk to when i dont know who else. you the only one im imaganing myself with when im at the perfect place i go. you theonly person that i cant never say i love you even i know ill be losing you. though i know that you have someone else that can comfort you, though they will always listen to you, thought you have someone else that you can have fun with, though you will never have me with you to go through your life time. above that im blessed.

Lovers,
Farisya

That Confiusion

is this the same process as those girls i saw last night in you tube. have they face the same situation as mine right now? are they think of the same think that lingers in my minds now? thousands of them....sometimes i cant even spell them but still know. am i crazy? or is this what they called as "kegoncangan" that might happen? questions that make me confused with purpose of  my living. what is the big issues here?

i couldn't understand anymore. i know i should be grateful. but it seems like i don't exist anymore. i wonder who am i in this world? what is my purpose in life? is this world real? if it is not, please wake me up from this scary dream. i couldn't bare the burden of it darkness anymore.if this world is not real, then what is the real one? where? who r the people in there? and how i can be there out far from this world. am i faking myself all this while?and why should i fake around when the main thing is i don't even know where im living now.

while im searching for that journey, im sad again, where should i put those beloved of mine? i should carry them together or i should leave them behind. im searching for my strength that i thought them was my strength. but nope im wrong. i haven't  yet se it in them. then where?  my question keep on popping. how should i take this journey? im totally confused and crazy i am now.

i nearly see the beautiful happiness and love the other day. im totally amazed by the finding that i got. but today, this feeling strike me again. how should i maintain that happiness? how should i jail the feeling tight? because i need them. i know that is the only way of could answer all my crazy questions. and i miss that moment already. the short moment but really meaningful to me. i dont care what people said about me anymore. i dont care what people judge me anymore. and i dont give a damn about this crazy world that im living anymore. a world that people is a good actors. faking that happiness is with them. but deep down they alwasy felt alone and lonely. always trying to find that real love. 

and what is real love then? human? friends? animals? worlds? material? or yourself? becasue hoenstly i couldnt find them in any of it untill that day, it shows me a bit of that feeling that im searching all this while. and i felt, totaly betrayed by all this views infront of me. it totaly fooled me by all the beauty of the outside. and now i know i should chase that hint so that i can found the rest of love that ive been looking for. 

i need a courage to do so, i need to be always strong because i know this is for sure. ill know i will find what i want. because they never lied and they is real. 

"tenangkanlah jiwa ku, hanya Engkau yang memberi rahmat"

love,
farisya

Greatest Gift

May peace be with you.

Last 2445, i hope i don't forget that feeling. Im happy. In fact, it was the most happiest moment in my entire life. Everything seem floating in the air. Everything seem clear. Every burden i felt before was never exist. I know i have found my precious. And it was a gift than i cant never reject, cause i have no daya upaya to do so.

The answer to my question that ive been waiting all this while, finally im fully satisfied. You show your face to me in every view i saw, but today it is crystal to me.And today was the perfect time just as what as i need. You perfectly define yourself. Im glad. Im overjoyed. Even wishing if i ever could stays in this feeling. NO one else except for You.

Jangan pernah kau tinggal daku, kerana kaulah kekuatan ku. Jika tidak aku lah orang yang paling malang.

Love,

Farisya