Bukan Cermin Kusam

Aku tahu susah untuk tahu.
Apa yang kita jalankan.
Apa yang akan kita hadap didepan,
Mungkin sekarang kita menduga
dan mungkin esok kita tetap menduga
benarkah apa yang terduga oleh kita.

aku tahu saat ini masih sukar.
Masih dalam untuk kita paham.
jangan pernah salahkan waktu
lantas jangan kita pendam ini akan padam
dendam ini akan berikan nyawa
untuk hidup kental dan tega..
dan itu mungkin esok

aku munkin tak layak untuk paham
mungkin paham aku, racun untuk engkau,
harap aku, kau pun bukan cermin kusam.
keluhan itu buah manis peneman jatuh,
aku bantah tegas tutupkan dia
aku takut aku turut sama
x sempat engkau ku sambut,
jauh dalam kelam engkau dan aku,
sumpah aku x mahu kesana kita berdua.

hey, jom sama kita lawan,
kikiskan kusam yang berjelaga
lawan sampai kita jumpa..
kawan engkau yang ini.
dan diri engkau yang itu.
dalam cermin yang sama.

love,
farisya nadiah

Pecah

Lepas harap satu titik,
Tampungkan gelap walau x semua,
Belum sempat harap kumilik
Malam kau saksi gagah ku x lama,

Kau cubit hatiku,
Sama dulu mak x beli patung barbie,
Sekarang jelas rintih berbunyi,
Lagu haru milik hati.

Tuan besar jelas kau marah,
Hatiku sudah makin parah,
Saat Gerak tangan kau yg terarah,
Cukup buat tergelas pecah.

   Punah,

  Farisya Nadiah

Pouring Miracles

Bismillah...

(14:38) Our Lord! Surely You know all that we conceal and all that we reveal,⁵¹ and nothing in the earth or in the heaven is hidden from Allah.

Untill then, it was a pause. Total mute with only a sudden shock. Yaa, even to that shock! How loud it could be for Him. When even a silent is too loud to be heard. I felt has been listend to the word that ive not yet say. A feel of love appeared and yet understand that ive been understand! (*complicated i know)

Then, reciting continues...

(14:40) My Lord! Enable me and my offspring to establish Prayer, and do accept, our Lord, this prayer of mine.

Total silent, and thinking...

I think Allah just have answer Ibrahim's prayer. How that yet so far but yet so near to felt. More love has been found. Im hearing you dear Ibrahim, and i thank you for your rememberence towards me. Alhamdullilah Allah have granted me your wishes. Or maybe Allah has always wanted so or maybe this is what my father always asked from Allah.

Wow! Dad i love you for the love that have you poured on me all this while.. So that i hope i can repay your love though i know i have no power to that so....

So then....

This was recited to answer my wish...

(14:41) Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents and the believers on the Day when the reckoning will take place."

How thankful i am today, im fully blessed!  That magic of your words will never be compared to anything else. It always been true. Alhamdullilah. 

(Surah Ibrahim, 14:38-41)

Love, 

Farisya Musa

Tunggu

Sedang kurenungi nafas ini, 

Ku tahu sesak ku inginkan bahagiamu,

Walau jauh jalan ku harus tempuhi,

Deras arus perlahankan langkahku,

Aku mahu buat kau gembira,

Aku mahu ukir cahaya bahagia

Aku juga mahu tanam benih sayang

Walau ku tahu masaku tidak panjang

Alangkah bahagia jika senyummu untukku

Alangkah bahgia jika hiraumu untuk sayangku

Lebih enak lagi jika ianya bukan mimpi

Agar ianya cepat mendekati diri

Jangan kau kerutkan lagi dahi itu

Aku juga mahu kau tidak begitu

Risaukan aku karam dalam fana

Asyik aku, risau padamu mana? 

Aku belum bahagia

Selagi kau terluka

Pd Perbuatanku yg leka

X hirau akan risaumu

Janji padaku...

Kau akan tunggu...?!!

Love, 

Farisya Musa

Datang Malaikat

Mungkin malaaikat itu telah hadir

Mungkin jua ku tuli untuk sedar

Atau mungkin jua ku hapuskan tanpa periksa

Bukti sisiku, engkau selalu ada.

Mungkin hari ini ku perang di dalam dada

Perjuangkan apa kurasa

Atau tunduk pada hendak dunia

Yang pasti, didalam tak bisa dianayia

Kajian ku lemah tanpa ilmu mu

Kurenung dalam hadirnya di qalbuku

Malam itu kutemu kuat bertanya

Mungkin itu jua hadirmu membantuku

Seperti air yang kuteguk 

Kau kurniakan jualah arus air mengalir itu

Pada jasadku, agar sentiasa terus mengalir cair

Runtunkan redhamu disatukanku

Untuk langit dan bumi tanahku.

Ya malaikat itu datang padaku

Menyapa santun menamakan dirinya

Hendak jua ku balas budinya

Mungkin cukupkah dengan alhamdullilah?

Kan ku cuba! 

Regards,

Farisya

Hela Dunia Kecilku

Malam ini, aku baru mengerti,

Terlintas dihati lalu aku kaji, 

Ya benar dunia bukanlah setiasa berduri, 

Cuma aku leka ukur baju dibadan sendiri, 

Atau aku belum celik dari bermimpi,

Bahawa dunia kecilku belum gagah berdiri, 

Di hela dunia kuku besi.

Atau aku harus kaji buat bukti?

Hela,

Farisya Musa

Takut

Subhanallah....

Aku takut, adakah aku manusia yg x mengenal erti nikmat? Atau adakah aku manusia yg tidak pandai bersyukur? Aku resah, adakah mungkin langkah ku hanya bertemankan jurang? Atay adakah hati ku tebal menanam benci? Atau aku lelah menanti penat?

Aku takut aku tidak bersyukur dan aku takut aku mempersiakan...! Jelaskanlahh!!

Gundah, 

Farisya

Keep Hoping

I dont know, lately i cant sleep without thinking of having a trip at a life somewhere that i dont belong yet. It is getting scarier when to think of i cant make it to that exact point where i know i want that damn badly. Im just a few step ahead to it. That is what make me more uncomfortable lately. 

To be honest, im trying the best i can to fix my problem here and i found upony long lost dreams and back to believe it againn. I know i shouldnt pur much hope right now but ya im just a normal human being trying to figure it out the posibilities of trying to fix everything here. 

Im wishing to that day wil finally meet. Ii need to fo my very best tomorrow. Lets dont jinx it and dont forget to not take any coffee before that and sleep at the right time and BREATHHH! Im cryong inside to think if i couldnt make it im gonna be more sad than i currently am. 

Hope, 

Farisya Musa

6.03 AM

Hey..

It is now 6.03am in the morning, just woke up from a long deep sleep with a thinking of what have i did all this while? Until when im gonna be like this..? Is it gonna take forever for me to able to realise that this need to end! Wasting my yong life with all this nonsense of waiting somethin that is not gonna happen? Untill when im gonna make myself suffer like this? Untill when im gonna keep on giving excuses in order for me to escape the reality of a real world? Or realising that this words are not only just a statement as nice as it sounds but a direct warning for me to wake up and a hard slap for me to be awake!! What else that are you waiting for?? What els that you need? What lse escuses that will you compose this time?? Have you not been tired already now? Tired of all this escape plan? Because form what im experiencing now it didnt change a bit!! I didnt move a bit! Im safely stuck in the time where world become enemies! And ive llost a dignity and sense of being a great human. Worst, ive lost the manual of how to be a human! I hate to this roller coster of emotion! It sux big time! Im confused and im really meet to the dead end.

Should i drag my whole body to fully awake and get a shower, drinking a hot nice coffee the down to the road and have great morning jog or should i just get back to sleep. This is a huge decision that i need to do now!! Which one? 

Nescafe, Great Conversation and Best Friend

hey....

two glass of nescafes, a good conversation with a great friend are the most simple meds to cure my unstable emotion about myself. im relieve that on the day that i feel bad about everything in my life, there is always a distraction to it with only a simple method to be applied.WHEN THINK GOOD YOU WILL BE GOOD!

all that unnecessary unstable emotion can be defeated with only a good positive thinking. i know that and i know i can change and achieved it. im currently am. im happy to the first move and what i need to do is to sustain it to my daily routine. please don't be carried away to the darkness that always envy about your bright future. i know i can change to be better. i should be happy and must look forward to be a "super-stylish future me. i know it along journey but yup im happy im not sitting there and wait . im positively happy to wake up in this darkness and pursuing my scramble pieces of dreams this early morning. I MUST MEET THEM. 

a fall is only make you stronger. learn from it and always thankful to the day of that day, because for it reason make you more appreciate things in life. emotion only leads you to something that is nonetheless than a sweet dark misery. and for future undertaking, u just need a great positive thinker.  please make a great hot kiss to those yesterday's chapter. please be aware that you have been upgraded to the new level in life. if there are something bad happen in future, please deal with it with a nice sweet smile and swept it away in just one click of finger. SNAP! been there done that. 

i know you wont hate yourself for so long, because the reason you hate yourself doing that past mistake is that you loved yourself and always be. i know....there is a long way to go.. but above that im back again to this dreams explorace. 

azan subuh is currently reciting out loud through the fresh air breeze morning of mine. hope ill fill in my day today with a good and productive day ahead. start with cleaning would be good, just to get rid of that unnecessary old negative dirt vibe. KACHING!! white and positive.!! :)

love,

farisya

Ears Meds

RESCUE ME!

Ultimate Love

it keep on lingering on my mind right now. What is the meaning of love? LOVE? what is it with it that really haunt me lately? don't get me wrong here. im not talking about one to another one love. but the love that i need to given to myself, which means love yourself. i just couldn't figure it out yet or ive lost the real meaning of it. i really couldn't figure it out for this moment. it seems very hard to find it until at one point i feel hopeless and sick of searching for it. i know i cant stop loving myself no matter what, but on the other hand i don't find at least a good point of doing it so.

im terrible to myself lately. i don't love myself anymore lately and i hate to feel it. i know ive been avoiding it for quite sometimes but i cant deny to the fact that i hate how i treat myself.i couldn't answer to any of it. why am i doing this again?

 ---------------------------------------sweet blank--------------------------------------------------

 i know i should keep moving ahead. i know i should make what i really want. i know i should make use of what i have in me. appreciate what i have more rather than complaining and arguing. i know that...but if only there is anyone can help to figure it out what happening to me right now....i more that thankful for your existence because right know im lost in this deep shit scary hole of mine. 

im like a ticking bomb.i cant be touch nor be abandon. i know i need to be positive. i need to focus and i need to work determinedly to the goal that im hoping for. i need to face the future. i need to meet to you future elegantly. i have to set a new mind set for a better living as human being.i cant always stays here in this lonely scary planet anymore. i need to set ne goal. i need to cripplingly wake up in this emotion and divert it to a goal that u need it to be heading. i don't want to meet your future in this kind of look. im surely it looks horrible this way. i don't want my future me to disgust on me know. 

damn!! damn!!  damn!! damn!!

UNTIL WHEN? UNTIL WHEN? i should ask this more often to you right. and WHAT IS NEXT? WHAT IS NEXT? who i wanna be? who? seriously and honestly speaking this is not what i want to be for tomorrow. i know i don't want to be this. im sure. 100% sure.

i don't need to do this for others. i just need to adjust what is wrong. that all. learn and try to listen to yourself again. try to develop the love in you again in other for you to love something else in your life. to to communicate with the love that you hope you can deliver. a love that strongly shape you to who you want to become. seriously im sad because i couldn't feel it anymore here. i need to strongly believe that with this love im able to help myself and meet my future dreams. all i need is love. dear farisya, love is not a scary thing. love is not a hard thing to gain. just believe that you love yourself and it will always leads to love what u r doing. i know you can do it again. i know you should do it. and don't forget, Allah is always with you no matter."Katakanlah aku lebih dekat dari nafas". you should be thankful of have knowing all this.. what is more powerful from Allah's to you. Hope i am ready to be loved again.

p.s : just a random self talking.

love, 

Farisya

Dark Bubble

" Hello my friend and we meet again..."

Just a random song crossing my head while im typing this... currently thinking. it is either to be or not to be a good friend that witnessing their best-friend big wedding day..yup im one of the bridesmaids. Recently there was a lot unfortunate event occurred in my life that i wish i will not dealing with it again. Though i know it is not a big deal for someone else, but for me it does. Two days ago, ya ive lost my tab. My only latest gadget that i can afford after ive sink-in my Blackberry.  i felt terribly horrible because i bought that tab for my birthday gift and it is not even one month yet! i feel so bad. that is the only thing that i can link to the world. ive lost it while eating at bangsar the other day. huh!! i cant even take care of things anymore then how should i take care of myself then. i know ive seems a little bit emotional right now even after a few days of lost it. hello it is my only present that i can afford for myself for the time being.

Back to the wedding, yup tomorrow is Joy's & Shrek wedding at Seremban. i feel so bad currently how to make it to the wedding. im thinking about how am i gonna be there on time without make her thinking that im late on purpose or even make myself thinking that im a bad girlfriend. if only you know joy how im feeling bad right now. Ntah. i need to plan my day for tomorrow since it is also my second interview session which is essay writing. i hope im doing well for that. i really hope it went well. im all mix up.with the money issue car issue, unfinished issue, self issue and so on  that i have now...im feeling really bad that i cant explain. i don't expect people to understand me for that. i don't expect at all.

i know i should change this feeling for a better day ahead or even for a better journey to meet the future me, but i dont know it seem so hard to push that wall. i am trying crawlingly. ive that plan in my head already. i just need a jumpstart all over again. i know i can. even everyone told me that i can do it. also i believe that i can do it. Arghh...that emotion! i just hate you badly right now. you are so strong that i can defeat you even by an inch yet. i hope soonest ill conquer the rest of you soul. i really hope so. 

i know i need to study for my essay tomorow..but i dont know what to study. and i wish my luck is with me. Amin. Allah i know u heard me right but if you dont bless me for that, you the only one who know the best for me perfectly. for joy i think, i need to be there no matter what. no excuses! i know. im still thinking how. please let me be.

love,

Farisya Musa

What You Want What You See

It is either we notice or not, always remember, what you want inside is actually what you see. Yup I'm in that situation now. I'm glad. Alhamdullilah. I love the way they see thing and I love being with this kind of crowd. They didn't saphocated me with something that I hate to think of. They actually generated my idea and the way I see thng within myself. Most importanly, I love the feeling of this feelings. From there, I know where I'm heading to. Though it may have a lot of difficulties coming, but I know I'm happy with the way it make me happy.

I love how I'm not faking up with the details of the conversation. I don't pretend that I understand that conversation. I don't neet to worry if I they want me to understand that conversation where actually I don't really care. And most of all, I know that conversation with all of you will have a fullstop and will always gonna end soon. That is the worst among all. You wil always be the corner of that chapter. I just need a coma instead of fullstop. But for the time being, a need from me no longer an important mission. The thing that I get and how I take it to mylife is my concern. Maybe that is the best formula that I get from now.

I don't need to be ashamed of not intended for needed anything. Anything is enough as nothing to me.that is my version of something I guess. Perfect in imperfection. Love that since ages. Back to the main topic, as I siad it is clear when you really put your sense at the exact place. Observing life I would say. I might be crazy along the journey but at least I know and will find who am i rather than faking up just only being template  of human being.

Good nite goodnight...we will meet again soon. Promised!

Love,
Farisya

Small Soldier Battle

Hello myself,

How crazy I am now. I know. Have been avoiding to write for almost few moths. Trying hard to control n hiding this crazy feeling from anyone including you blog. Why? You r just a mute blog that can even talk to me back. Am I right? Ntah maybe I just don't want to hear myself complaining about my life again. But unfortunately, I can't. This is  my limit I think.

Fuh...I'm at startbucks now. I've just comeback from a wordrobe survey at mimpi kita. There is project thatbim currenltly doing. Just a small job in between this crazy emotion of mine. I'm glad I'm doing this after few months of being Wilson try to avoiding this crazy world. Is this wotld crazy or it just me who are too weak to facr the world.

So back to the story, why and what happen today? Starbuks really usefull nowdays. That lady in green who have stars in her head just give me a second chance to live today. Recently I had my first accident. Yup my first accident ever!!! There are a lot of drama in it. I can't directly report to the police because of my license are death. Why I didn't renew it? I don't meant to do that on purpose ok. Before that I had my saman from JPJ while I'm still on my P license. So that I have to pay a sum of amount that I cant aford that time or even now. So I let it be. Un till few days ago, after that accident happen  the plot of this story have getting  worst n worst. And unfortunately today, something bad happen again.

I wonder why now while I'm typing this. Is this a sign  of god trying to talk to me. Is Allah trying to teavh me something. What is it dear Allah? Am I a bad person here? If I'm too blind to you or if Im ti deaf to you , please let me see with my heart not my eyes or  if I'm deaf ,please let me hear with your heart not my ears. It seem all the road you given ti me seems hardly to walk through. Or. Need to push that wall and fly.?

But whatever it is, I need to get going. Buy that pembaris and unlock that small soldier n getbback to the road.amin.

Love,
Farisya

Sweetest Junk Draft

hey...

Same Old, Same Old

Today was like Dj Soundgraph, Ups and some down. But in the end i feel blessed all the feeling i gain today.
this post are actually my deepest heart to someone that ive been facing life togather for almost 8 years. Fun, young, wild, sad, strugle, sunny,breezy, windy, rainy and all the season that we had, it will always there.

fisrt of all, i am thankfull that you find meat the first place. haha...that moment will stays in my heart forever as  much as the stupid things that we went through. that moment on our favourite spot that only we know, im thinking as same as what i thought. i felt like, r you meant to be here by my side for show me the real feeling of my own.

i hate the way you read my minds how exact you words which lingers on my mind. until today i finally realise, when you said that word, "you always have me whenever you sick, and i will always there when you need me" that is wierd feeling actually. i know this is not love. this is beyond that. im thankfull for the word that you said.seriously i am blessed and even overwhelmed withyou thought. because deep down in my heart i know who the one i need when i feel bad about myself. you the only one that i want to talk to when i dont know who else. you the only one im imaganing myself with when im at the perfect place i go. you theonly person that i cant never say i love you even i know ill be losing you. though i know that you have someone else that can comfort you, though they will always listen to you, thought you have someone else that you can have fun with, though you will never have me with you to go through your life time. above that im blessed.

Lovers,
Farisya

That Confiusion

is this the same process as those girls i saw last night in you tube. have they face the same situation as mine right now? are they think of the same think that lingers in my minds now? thousands of them....sometimes i cant even spell them but still know. am i crazy? or is this what they called as "kegoncangan" that might happen? questions that make me confused with purpose of  my living. what is the big issues here?

i couldn't understand anymore. i know i should be grateful. but it seems like i don't exist anymore. i wonder who am i in this world? what is my purpose in life? is this world real? if it is not, please wake me up from this scary dream. i couldn't bare the burden of it darkness anymore.if this world is not real, then what is the real one? where? who r the people in there? and how i can be there out far from this world. am i faking myself all this while?and why should i fake around when the main thing is i don't even know where im living now.

while im searching for that journey, im sad again, where should i put those beloved of mine? i should carry them together or i should leave them behind. im searching for my strength that i thought them was my strength. but nope im wrong. i haven't  yet se it in them. then where?  my question keep on popping. how should i take this journey? im totally confused and crazy i am now.

i nearly see the beautiful happiness and love the other day. im totally amazed by the finding that i got. but today, this feeling strike me again. how should i maintain that happiness? how should i jail the feeling tight? because i need them. i know that is the only way of could answer all my crazy questions. and i miss that moment already. the short moment but really meaningful to me. i dont care what people said about me anymore. i dont care what people judge me anymore. and i dont give a damn about this crazy world that im living anymore. a world that people is a good actors. faking that happiness is with them. but deep down they alwasy felt alone and lonely. always trying to find that real love. 

and what is real love then? human? friends? animals? worlds? material? or yourself? becasue hoenstly i couldnt find them in any of it untill that day, it shows me a bit of that feeling that im searching all this while. and i felt, totaly betrayed by all this views infront of me. it totaly fooled me by all the beauty of the outside. and now i know i should chase that hint so that i can found the rest of love that ive been looking for. 

i need a courage to do so, i need to be always strong because i know this is for sure. ill know i will find what i want. because they never lied and they is real. 

"tenangkanlah jiwa ku, hanya Engkau yang memberi rahmat"

love,
farisya

Greatest Gift

May peace be with you.

Last 2445, i hope i don't forget that feeling. Im happy. In fact, it was the most happiest moment in my entire life. Everything seem floating in the air. Everything seem clear. Every burden i felt before was never exist. I know i have found my precious. And it was a gift than i cant never reject, cause i have no daya upaya to do so.

The answer to my question that ive been waiting all this while, finally im fully satisfied. You show your face to me in every view i saw, but today it is crystal to me.And today was the perfect time just as what as i need. You perfectly define yourself. Im glad. Im overjoyed. Even wishing if i ever could stays in this feeling. NO one else except for You.

Jangan pernah kau tinggal daku, kerana kaulah kekuatan ku. Jika tidak aku lah orang yang paling malang.

Love,

Farisya

Lost and Found

I guess maybe when we try
and do something beautiful

it’s a lot like being lost 

somewhere in an endless
ocean of dark

holding a fading sparkler.

It won’t last
very long

and maybe nobody else
can even see

but that doesn’t mean
it isn’t

pretty.

#theonlymagicleftisart

Love,

Farisya

Poison Green

as far as i see the green,
and while the bird flying on of those blue sky,
when the clouds seems big to grab,
hearing those noise between rail and that round tires,
bumping and sometimes side to side,
im there, seeing those greatest,
where am i? where i am?

on that fast movement,
i catch with my eyes,
a house which at side there was cloth hanging,
smiled on my face, which i know there was a hint of life,
on that sunny day,yellow and green while sometimes blue.
if only that window open,
i could have imagine how i showered my face with that breezy wind,
hey im looking for you,

left right and far right,
or nearly to those exit,
people came in and people came out.
sometime big blue-black pack,
or sometimes it nil.
where are you, if could only they came with that familiar face.
even with those sides of you, i wish i can recognize.

i want to be those birds that can break that clouds,
and i want to be those noise but unseen,
i want to be those person with that big blue-black pack
or the one that is nearly to those exit far right,
and the most that i wanted was..
could see the person that can see those things.

yours truly,
Farisya

Cruel World

ATTENTION : This post may contain high loads of negetivity. Please prepare your mind and soul. It might contagious.

Bullshit happens all the time.

yup it is always true. I've been facing it almost all the time. I can't say out loud my thought or my dream. As far as im believe in it, as far it leave me away. i have no chance and i have no right to have a dream. Ive been trying to figure out things on my own but the more cruel things happen to me. Im afraid that doing nothing is my only choice. Am I forbidden to do things that i want? or do I have to do things that i hate? im so confused.

i never get a chance to demand for my rights as human being? i can be sad and at the same time i cant be happy? i dont know. am i supposed to sit at one corner and see world change? For now, i cant cope anymore. as eager as i want to be 'something'  im more eager want to know myself and what i have to serve the world. if im blind show me, if im deaf scream for me, and if im stupid, teach me at the easiest way that i can understand. im afraid that im the only one left here. i dont want to be left alone in this scary world. i dont want. im afraid. what else that i can do to offer?

i never demand anything in life. i don't demand a lot. and how crazy i can be here at this time alone without asking anyone to fill in my empty heart. i always believe one day it will. force of nature i supposed. i always believe that. i know, when i need somebody is when they need me too. is it to cruel to asked? i know everybody has their own time and need their own space. i let them be. ill be around when they need me. i feel the pain when they are in pain. and im crying if i cant help them. finding a solution to help them always in my mind. But, when my hard time come, i need to push them away in other me to heal. how cruel decision it that i have to face? am i bring negativity to them? or im such a virus that need to be quarantine to this whole world? y i have to feel guilty to be myself? and now, am i too demanding? im sad! im sick! im psycho!

i have nothing to offer. i have nothing to give. i have nothing to serve the world. but i always there when u need me. i always there when your pieces of glass broken? i give you glue for you to stick. even it is ugly but i saw it normal as before. what to expect, i know you in and out. when you ok, finally stick again. i saw u back in the world again. ive smiled cos i believe that im satisfied with the choice i make. Giving you a glue. but now, am i a bad person when i need you not to understand me nor pity me, but have a sense that im hopeless. i need a hand that grab me from that dark river. or even throw me a pieces of wood that i can rely on. saying not much other than "ill be at the end of the forest.see me there". Am i an evil person?

owh maybe i just need a thought that can be understand. then, im adjusting in this cruel world hoping that my thought can be heard. maybe somebody can feel me as the same as i am. im just hoping that maybe my thought will worth. having a good memory with everyone that i love someday.having a smile face every time i wake up in the morning. having a good reviews and having a tremendous joy. And again, why can i wish for that? is it a sin to wish for a happiness? in every single breath? in every thought that might make me smile? i need to smile...i need to be happy. y i can say this "im happy with my life" or even just a hint of road to it.

i have nothing. i don't have anything that belong to world expectation. and even i have nothing that i can offer to the world no more. everything seems so hard to breath. im breathless. as far black seems black, even more black my eyesight now. Deaf person is deaf, im even deafer. my life is larger than dark at night. and now im afraid i might be dead in their hug.

truely,
farisya.

Road Trip to Albania

Curious Lost World

wondering...

wondering...

wondering...

it should have stop

STOP!

i say..

i have enough of it..

why should i keep on wondering...

where actually i can meet that wonder...

by 

CHASE IT!

wonderer,

Farisya

Virgin Sheet

hello white virgin sheet...

its me again. yours truly...

kind of lost in direction right now..

but to be true.. I've gain some strength again today.

and im glad...because it make me realize of something about life.

as cliche as it sound.."u cant get what you want until you want to get it"

well said. yup..

believe again i guess...no matter how many times you fall..

if there is a hint that still saying you have to do it...

so that...You HAVE to do it.

love,
Farisya

"The Only One"

Ajari aku tuk bisa
Menjadi yang engkau cinta
Agarku bisa memiliki
Rasa yang luar biasa
Untuk ku dan untuk mu

Ku harap engkau mengerti
Akan semua yang ku pinta
Kerna kau cahaya hidupku
Malam ku… Tuk terangi jalan ku
Yang berliku

Hanya engkau yang bisa
Hanya engkau yang tahu
Hanya engkau yang mengerti
Semua ingin ku

Ajari aku untuk bisa mencintaimu
Ajari aku untuk bisa mencintaimu

Mungkinkah semua
Akan terjadi
Pada diriku

Hanya engkau yang bisa
Mencintaiku

SYUKUR, The One and Only has given me some of the secrets.may its stays with me and alot more to gain forward, Insyallah.

love, F

Precious Gift

When you know what she is thinking,
While u can do nothing to comfort her,
When you hate everything that cross your mind,
And how you clearly saw she was sad,
What you can do....?
What you should do...?
Or even what you should expect...?

Im here again, watching her face asleep.
It just scary for what cross my mind now.
A thought for one morning in future..
How sick i can be that day when i wake up...
Realise what ive imagine today is so real..
She is the most precious gift ive got.

Love,
Farisya

We Used To Be..

Yup how crazy it takes when what u need to do is just to keep on living. The hardest was lo let past behind.

When the only way of syrviving are just let go and ignore everything that are not our current priorities. Then, changes occur surely.

Return to the old memories that we have gone trough togather make me u realised that time definately was our biggest enemy. Hate it or deal it with it. It just a cruel pattern in life.

While that memories haunt us, we have to keep on surviving. That when future introduce thier name. What is next?

In between, static momento, stagnent period. Huh..what is more beautifull rather than an exit to it?

And what ever it is, this post r just a random thought!

Love,
Farisya Nadiah