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im sorry im an ungratefull daughter!!! i cant give ur MAMA!!!

bismillah........

lately, my mama are not in a well condition!! i dunt noe y..but she seems not at her best lately!!!sometimes she wasokay n normal but sometimes she get in cold and shivering.i checked hertemperaturebut it normal...when time she was not ok...she cant stop calling her mum which i hate it!! i feel like im not a good daughter!! cos i cant give her dat...she is not wit us anymore...long2 time ago!!!

rigth before im writing this blog...she asked me a favor..massage her body.how can i reject it while she is the who will be by my side when imnot feeling well!!! it must devil if im not doing it!! so i did!! but she always keep on calling her mum...i cant help her!! I CANT GIVE U DAT MA!!..where i can find that in this world!!

still...at the timebeing..she still keep calling her mum!!wat should i do???

i hate to say this...but y she didnt called my dads name....instead her mum???

is she going to die sooner????hmmmmmmm...............................................................................................................................................................

let her in peace!!!!!

T.T

always n forever love maa!!!

DO WE TRYING UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER???

Bismillah........

hmm....learn a lesson n opinion need to be thrown now!!! here!!! where else?? DUHHH!!!

before we go there...just wanna inform to FARISYA NADIAH, ur pending mission was finally completed today!! wat a blast!! hahahah....

back to the main point....im a 21 years old, young n ambitious women andalot to explore in her life( still itrying to adjust from girl to women) and on the other hand, a daughter of a couple who really love me and still think that im sweet little daugther.

to be truth...im very ambitious and really hardwork to get wat i want in life.im not an easily give up young lady and not a passive human being. im adventorous and really comfort in travelling, no matter in a medium of place, situation,emotion, opinion or time.i really love to explore thing so that i can put an based for me to be more intelect when it come to deal in everything. i really enjoy to pressured myself when it comes to get something, so from there i really apriciate my hard work and feel more confident about myself. in the other word....im a women of high expectation in life and in myself.

on the other hand....at home, im a youngest daugther, and the 4th member of 5 siblings in a nearly perfect family.one sister, 2 big brothers and on younger brother. i live in a comfort zone.all meel are prepared, a comfy home, a place to hangout in front of television and threated so well by my parents.i never make thing that make them hate me,im doing well in my study, i did join sport,i did obey what they say, and did the work that given to me.but at some point, esp..in making thing for myself,in some way i still treated like a small young girl that are still playing around with doll.still have curfew though sometimes i didnt follow it, cant suggest or give opinion in something and many to be listed here.in the end...i fell like i cant do nothing for myself and have a limit in thingsand alwasy,and always have to obey wat they say until i cant reach wat i really want.



it grows tension in me of everything i do....I HATE IT

though sometime, to be truth im always trying so hard to understand them and put me in their shoes about all this things.but in the end when i look at it, i think im the one who always try to understand them.then how about me....i someday will have to work on my own, and right now i have to find extra pocket money for myself and i always have to beeasy going in my work enviroment form now.i have to explore a lot to give me an idea how the work life will be.my field require me to understand people,well in comunication and be the latest among the latest.it wat i need to be.but when the problem like this appear...it really make me worthless and easily give up to do all the things that i have to be do.cos i really love my family. i do. and i really didntwanna hurt him and really wanna make them reallise that im not just simply wasting my time for just something dat is worthless.i really2 need them to realise that.

i can see the wall between us become ticker and ticker day by day!! LETS BREAK IT!!


so....wat i should do in making this clear and understandable by not hurting anyone. i have to sacrifise.

im too emotional or they taken me for granted??

first of all....im such a non consistent blogger, i now, my bad !!!
but im trying to be as consistent as i can...n do help me!!!

hmm....after one semester has gone, or tobe truth "after 3 years of diploma has gone" , im facing n handling the degree me now!!!
but that is to early to story yet!! it just an introduction.....

lets see my point of view about wat happen rite after the semester break begin!!!
as usual, every end of the year i will contributing my sports talent to uitm sri iskandar to be thier representative as a netballer. we will compete with every uitm in malaysia including uitm malaysia(main campus). as usual my holiday was busy about traning and all sports schedule that i have to followed every day. morning i have to woke up early breakfast then training/fitness then lunch. after that training again or friendly match.then at nite we have meetings n sometimes even trianing.so wat else we wanna do at nite rather than sleep tight n gain enegy for the next day.

but as a special fwen n hoping be the best for them....im rather think of them than sleep n gain energy.i spent the nite talking n talking though sometime i hope they understand me.but i really didnt think about it after all...i would be so mean if i do dat.but not until the day things happen.

they have to settle something at uitm n for the first time they have to come to uitm during semester break.y should i wanna be here if i have nothing to do??? of course it have to be something!!! then....before she came, im kept my head thought about how she gonna make it here cos she was alone, was she ok, was she dat wat she dis......it all over my head!! i asked here if she already there give me a call ill pick her up. before she came....i supposed to went out out with my team but i had left them behind to fetched HER up!!!!! then i rang her asked her where wa she..she said wait im near there..then i msg again to let her nknow where am i but after i called her so many times thens she called me back said tha she already at the padang with SOMEONE which happen known her very well i think (sarcasticly speaking).she asked me to wait for her then she pick me up!! hmmmmmm.....im starting to heard my heartbeat beating hardly.owh wat kind of excuse she should given to me...becos i have no cars topick her up!! then too bad to me.im sory im not good enough to be ur fwen becos i have no car to pick u.owh i forgot it is holiday..n imnot used to sun anymore.forget it!!!!this kind of situation happen repeatedly.same as my last semester break.we promised to went out togather for an summer event at pj.then thing hapen same like this...i keep waiting for her...leave my other fwens behind..kep waiting for her again while im alone....then called her but never replied...then end up she going wit someone else!!! it so FUCK UP!!!! or im just to blind to see it at the first place!!!

then im started wanna keep away from her...cos i just never wanna make my heart hurt anymore. so im started to put all the team spirit in my head!!!NETBALL NETBALL NETBALL!!! i didnt wanna think about it anymore....but as a bff (dats y i hate that word) i do wish smtime they understand n support me not only literally but phisically.i do hope sometime they said it out loud my name AT the corner of the court. but i never put my hope at high cos i noe they will never do it!! NEVER NEVER!!! but to bad for me..dat day i do hope as tiny as bacteria that she will went to the padang to support me COS that will be the last time i played netball for UITM or even last for mylife...cos my other fwen who didnt play was also came to support me!!! but to bad it was a broken imagination wit empty hopes. but it didnt give me any heart feeling after all....that afternoon she went to the rugby place to see the someone that i've told before cheering for his x team played.as a bestbwen....wat do u think dat i have to feel????? wat should i react?? n wat should i say??? i have say nothing n simply ignored it.but i cant lie to myself n to my heart that im ok......so i kept my self silent n silent n as quiet as ican. mission acomplish for her.CONGRATULATION ONCE AGAIN!!! TQ

but silent will not give u any satisfation rite.n sometime silent can seems so loud.louder than u ever imagine.I HATE THE WAY U MANIPULATE MY HEART N MY SINCERITY!!! in the end she went back to kl alone with out im saying good bye.i pretend sleeping though i noe she waiting for me to wake up.i didt sms her anything.silent.untill that nite she asked me a favour but i refused then she shown anger to me....just for a tiny problem.untill then im satisfied!!! congratulation to me!!!

hahahah...ive been totally keep on my imagination flow with out any comercial break rite.hahahahah.....

then...today....finally she asked me smtg......ape khabar?? cos during 7 days we never sms called or even ym to each other,contrast wit before it hapen. then i put my ego down...text her back!! maybe how its end or there is a serial story....hahahahahah....

anything happen for a reason!!

it keep me stronger n love my selfmore!!!


LOVE URSELF ALWAYS BETTER N DONT HATE PEOPLE COS THEY WILL HATE U MORE!!!