A lot things happen lately. and of course a lot of thing has change lately. my life, myself, myfriend, my surrounding and most important what i believe in now have totaly change dramaticly. indeed im happy with those changes in my life. someway to say for a better future i guess and a better side of myself i hope.
And ya, with all that changes there always something that still remain in me and i really wish i can get away with it. i always wonder and questioniong myself, i really want to be good. to be as perfect as i can be. as "it" as i imagine myself should be. and for once again i think im not as what i am. i know and alert about it. if i did a mistake, sometime i think i did it on purpose. just to screw my life a little bit i guess? hell no. and worst thing part is, if ive ever feel bad about myself, i know im blaming myself of it and sometimes i hate it to hear it from anyone else because ive get enough of myself telling the worst thing about myself. it is more terible than i could hear from anyone else. worst of all, i cant mute myself and pretend im not hearing what im saying about it. so please, from every mistake that i did. im aware of it. like seriously, i dont meant to do those thingto you or anyone else.
i get tired of all the blame that i put on myself. and sometimes i need to be ok. i need to just ok! so please, i thank you for the concern but ya as what i said, im aware of it like TOTALLy understand it.i may not speak as what i feel and sometimes it can hurt u badly, but seriously if really meant to talk to you, ill talk to you. please treat me as an mature adult. i just need to be ok. for once, please. i know Allah hears this all the time, but ya, kau lindungi lah aku dari menyakiti sesiapa kerana kadang aku tau aku manusia yang lemah tanpa kuatmu. allah, kau kasihkanlah aku sperti mana kau kasihkan rasulmu, berikan ku secuit rasa bahagia firdaus, kuatkan kamu sperti mana kamu kuatkan musa, ya allah, lindungilah dari aku menderhaka pada kedua ibu bapaku. kau tanggalkanlan kejahilanku untuk nampak jalan lurusmu. berikanlah aku sinar untuk menawan nafsuku.
amin.
Farisya Nadiah
mood swing
