Bebel

before i begin anything, after i read previous post back,i realize, that was not what exactly my feeling that time. im wrote it blindly and all the sentences turn out to be different from what i really meant. haha..yup...im not afraid of commitment...it just a thought that i think i am. i try to find what is wrong with myself. more like a self talking of searching the exact feeling. hehe....

but lantak la.....deep down, i know i understand what i really feel. word couldn't make thing any easier.  This lead to the topic that i want to share today. ntah lately....i really feel  to have a trip.Road trip by means. i wouldn't mind if im alone. i just need a journey. so that i can think and think and come out with solution and peace of mind. i have to dig all the inner feeling of mine and make a selection to it. throw or keep. answer all the inner question that keep on lingering on my mind. fragmentation period i supposed. hmmmm...journey in silent but yet every unspoken word are endlessly understandable with out any explanations made. that is the best feeling ever. i sumpah teringin sekarang. i just wanted to drive or just what to get away in a long road.

a lot of things in life i have mistaken and taking things for granted. or more exact word i try to abandent thing that i don't want to handle in matter of fact. i throw them far away. i pushed them aside and let them be hanging in somewhere that i don't belong in it. that place take me to the next level of life. push me to think back all the things that i don't want to think but no matter what, now i have to deal with it. it is still apart of your life. until when i should pushed them away from your life and let time decide? i just couldn't give answer to any of that questions. i have non. i done even realize about it until now.

give me sometimes. i now times will always be my greatest teacher in live. i need them to be patient cos im obviously the slowest to learn. student that need thing to be thought step by step.im like reading a b c all over again this time. yup, life is always a learning field. no matter day or nite or even young or old. a lot of different path that i need to explore and experience. i want it.

i want to be alive. i want to live. and i want to able to breath. i got enough to hold my breath to the thing that i do or did. i want to be free from all this. i want to put the passion in me. i don't want to hold back no more. i want to throw all the burden inside to something more meaningful.i want to create a dream. i want to live in that dream and i want it to be the dream that i always imagine i achieved. i know it must start from nothing. create thing that can make thing possible path for you to venture. i love to see u in that phase again. i just love to see the hard work. hard work that u able to smile and appreciate every single breath in it. i want to feel the excitement again. i want to fall in love again in everything that i used to love. hey..give me one more chance.

create the situation..and create the zone back. be in it as deep as u can. explore your strength and develop it to something more big than this. u just know what to do with it. that is my promise. the excited and feel free to free your mind. the journey is in you. u already connecting the dot .

u r the designer of your own dream. u design dream for people to dream. while that dream hold us to reality and eventually, that dream is our reality.

love,
Farisya

Be Positive

perasaan untuk menulis lewat ini sangat kuat...
mungkin hendak perkatakan sesuatu yang mungkin sendiri tidak dapat tafsirkan lagi..
dan tidak mungkin pula dapat ditafsirkan oleh orang lain selain diri sendiri...
itulah kebiasaannye.. apakan daya.

lately, alot of things happen in my life, Ahdan Qhaleef is born and i get a new job. in a way, that is what i have planed before. hmm...yup but now i feel sick of all the commitment that i have to fave. i don't know..im sick! im sick and i cant handle commitment. i cant be committed with things or i just need to learn it. is that the reason or this that hikmah behind all this? ya....im sure it is. it is not the matter of i cant do things, it just i don't believe that i can do it. i don't give me time n space to let it Me be in that zone. i know im better than this if i wanted it to be success the i want. i have to love what i need to do! it just i need a reminder...i need someone to remind me when i lost in time and i cant do it. i just to be reminded. that all i need.

i want to believe what i have to believe...i want to put my all. i want to be appreciated...in a away,i have to gain the trust.i have to keep on giving a road to it. no pain no gain right? hmmmm... i have to set my mind back...this is not something that i cant quit the next morning if i wanted to. where should i go?and where i should stand? i have to find it myself. sometimes i know what i want.and sometimes i don't. sometimes im deeply knowing about myself and out of sudden in don't at all. huh.....please tell me that i can do it or else im hopeless.

as u said before in the previous entry....i need to get a foundation first. WORK or JOB! now u are in it....but this is not the safes place. u need to find your strength...give your full attention to it. stay focus and MAKE THE SACRIFICES  to succeed. that is the only way...that i know. no shortcut and no cheat. face it with your heart and lets rock the world. that the only way that can help you to the top. give your 200 per cent in it. im sure u cant feel more comfortable than this. im praying for that.

and one thing left, i know that i have been neglecting my duties as khalifah in this world...i know that.i should be more ashamed than im now. because i know it but im living in denial...i just refuse to do it cos im very hard makean excuses to all the matterof it. i must not. huh......

be more positive than this now. have a bright day tomorrow and live life with out excuses no more. PEACE

love,
farisya