A Feel

im planning not to write more about my deepshit in here but channeling it to talk directly to Almighty that hear me most of the time. the feeling of it only Allah knows best while all the writing in here is just some sort like a manuscript of my feeling tonite that written by me.

just like poem, we wrote the word according to what our brain tells us. but the feeling of it is different depends on how good the imagination of the reader and the similarity that the reader feels about it. But the true message in it is something that remain the same. words and feeling is something that totaly different. a word did not describe a feeling. but ya, end up we know what we want to say about it when we really going trough the words in the sentences carefully. this what we called art in writing.

again, i dont think im able to not write things in here ever again because, like what i said. im as a writer didnt feel that im telling the whole feeling enough to make someone read it knows exactly what i want to confess in here, only by talking to Allah i feel relieved even without a words neither sentences. but if ever i think this writing is something that can be benefits to others, again, i dont think i can not  write in here anymore.

a feeling of the similarity is actually we are looking for, feeling of acceptation, love, betrayal, sadness, happiness, drama in life, all the pain, the gain, we all have that. all of it is given to us. apart of being a human, we must used this given gift that Allah has provided us to take in charge in our role in life. we must because from there, we learn. we teach our self to improve and be better. i want to be better than my past self. what about you?

so im gonna pray now, telling god all my feeling. even i know currently, while not telling the whole thing about what my feeling is, Allah knows what im feeling now. more than i know myself.

Subhanallah. allah hu akhbar.

40% awake, 60%merepek

Not just A for Apple

aku masih tertanya-tanya, ape yang aku fikir dulu. masih hingusan x tahu apa. 

sekarang aku kagum dengan dunia, ade yang menerujakan aku. namun ia buat aku marah dengan diri sendiri. sebab entah bende merepek ape yang aku fikir dulu, waktu muda remaja.

orang cakap eleh lagik-lagik cite korea, konsert korea, rambut pon color-color, nari ntah pape dressing konon power. at last aku admit aku tengok semua tuh nak kasi faham kenapa dorang nie teror sangat sampai satu dunia nak tengok depa. kenapa dunia muzik, filem or anything similar to that kat malaysia x macam tuh.

aku tengok bigbang, 2pm, kpop star and banyak lagik. i admit aku admire spirit dorang. they train thier stars from an early age kot. sekolah rendah dah start training muzik. itu aku baru explore muzik, aku rasa aku masa sekolah- bodoh sangat. buang masa kat rumah, kawan2, mall, and so on. they can achieve victory and dah bole retired as early as 28 tahun. same age as me now. sebab? they start all that from early age. when u dont know anything then u realised that you are the way of making something.

remaja kat malaysia? x payah remaja kat malaysia la, jauh sangat tuh! aku? aku masa kecik hingusan aku banyak spend masa kat rumah, kat mall, kat kawan2, main bende bukan2, banyak sangat masa aku terbunag mcama tuh saja. lepak kat klcc. nak achiece ape pon x tau. padahal...kat korea, they already being serius on what they want to do for the rest of thier life at as early as sekolah rendah. bukan la maksudnya dorang dah tau bulat2 ape dorang nak  buat but the thing is dorang dah masuk ke alam pekerjaan yang sebenar. thier artist dah start buat keje-keje kat management house masing-masing selain training to become a start or artist. x kesah la from tukang bagi air mineral to the dance group or cuci dance studio and macam2 lagi. even homework dorang pun power sebab kearah perkara yang akan mereka lalui as an artist. every night sebelum tido trainner nie kene compose 2 lagu yang best. i mean every night! damn! patut la bila dah besar they all used to it. perkara tuh dah senang sangat bagi dorang sebab dah biasa buat. it is a routine. 

im talking about thier artist, they know the key af all mak tok nenek keys in the music sheet. and the y even know how to arrange the music by them self. bukan takat nyanyi dalam karoke jamban jerk kot. nie mmg tau habis tiptop punye even  music director and producer pun cengang macam mana they can produce that such music. the plus point is they create that as early as thier pure day. meaning x de lagik unsur2 luar yang memperanguhi jiwa-jiwa mereka. how pure talent dapat dikesan is from here. and i admit this is amazing about them. plus, waktu muda kau memang banyak energy, their teenager life is all about train to be punctual dengan concerts, meet&greet, contract, producing, creating, imagining thing, composing, train to always be good, explore your strength, and so on. from there when your age turn 21 u dah mmg tau ko boleh kearah mana and so on. urghhh how amazing is that. x lah macam aku umur 21 pon masih terkontang kanting betol ke course ape yang aku amik and betul ke ape yang aku buat dalam life nie. terkinja-kinja x tentu pasal.

pada usia yang muda dah diberi ruang untuk bereksperimentasi dengan pehaman mereka walaupun dengan ilmu mereka yang ssedikit, but from there i think we learn to learn fom mistakes. the more mistake that we did, the more ilmu yang kita dapat, yes that is it. bukan tunggu dah besar baru nak buat mistake. itu dah terlambat. mostly mistake yang kita paham adalah macam wild tak tentu pasal. mistake macam pegi party tertumbuk budak laki lain sebab gf kau kenyit mata, pergi konon edm party and party all night long konon 'shades on' erkh. mistake konon ponteng lecutrer dengan alasan crazy mak tok nenek kau masuk hospital. aku rasa sedeyh ngan diri sendiri and dengan bangsa-bangsa aku yang akan membesar kemudian.

aku rasa that is one of the point yang aku masih disini. still helpless and masih clueless dengan banyak bende. and if i could turn back time this is what im gonna do. buat from my early age. maybe masa tuh aku pun x kan paham. and thats why we have to have a grown up person yang tahu pasal perkara nie. sampai bila kita nak biar budak2 remaja hanyut ngan apps and device yang x wujud tuh. sebok nak wechat and so on. aku rasa takut dengan semua nie since right after aku realised we have so much kebelakang compared ngan orang asia yang lain. seriously aku masih mencari solution ape yang boleh aku lakukan about this matter.

banyak sangat bende amazing yang kita boleh train a pure kids yang insyallah end up akan jadik someone yang sangat bagus strating from early age such as 12, 13, 14. bila usia mereka injak dewasa in college they even can train others. how good is that. seriously aku baru dapat pandang dalam dunia artist korea. aku x tahu kenapa aku sangat kagum dengan mereka. not in just singing or acting, but how they make thier youth punya era turns into something good to thier country. amazing. kalau dalam dunia artis pun dah ok apatah lagi bidang-bidang mereka yang lain.

itu aku belum cita pasal mat salleh travel since habis sekolah lagik yang aku sangat kagum. aku banyak berfikir lately. banyak masa aku yang dah banyak aku buang. maybe since im near to 30s kot. maybe. sampai ayat2 aku pon jumping2. but yeah just a rondom thought for tonite.

so isya, i think no more time need to be waste i guess!