Takut

Subhanallah....

Aku takut, adakah aku manusia yg x mengenal erti nikmat? Atau adakah aku manusia yg tidak pandai bersyukur? Aku resah, adakah mungkin langkah ku hanya bertemankan jurang? Atay adakah hati ku tebal menanam benci? Atau aku lelah menanti penat?

Aku takut aku tidak bersyukur dan aku takut aku mempersiakan...! Jelaskanlahh!!

Gundah, 

Farisya

Keep Hoping

I dont know, lately i cant sleep without thinking of having a trip at a life somewhere that i dont belong yet. It is getting scarier when to think of i cant make it to that exact point where i know i want that damn badly. Im just a few step ahead to it. That is what make me more uncomfortable lately. 

To be honest, im trying the best i can to fix my problem here and i found upony long lost dreams and back to believe it againn. I know i shouldnt pur much hope right now but ya im just a normal human being trying to figure it out the posibilities of trying to fix everything here. 

Im wishing to that day wil finally meet. Ii need to fo my very best tomorrow. Lets dont jinx it and dont forget to not take any coffee before that and sleep at the right time and BREATHHH! Im cryong inside to think if i couldnt make it im gonna be more sad than i currently am. 

Hope, 

Farisya Musa

6.03 AM

Hey..

It is now 6.03am in the morning, just woke up from a long deep sleep with a thinking of what have i did all this while? Until when im gonna be like this..? Is it gonna take forever for me to able to realise that this need to end! Wasting my yong life with all this nonsense of waiting somethin that is not gonna happen? Untill when im gonna make myself suffer like this? Untill when im gonna keep on giving excuses in order for me to escape the reality of a real world? Or realising that this words are not only just a statement as nice as it sounds but a direct warning for me to wake up and a hard slap for me to be awake!! What else that are you waiting for?? What els that you need? What lse escuses that will you compose this time?? Have you not been tired already now? Tired of all this escape plan? Because form what im experiencing now it didnt change a bit!! I didnt move a bit! Im safely stuck in the time where world become enemies! And ive llost a dignity and sense of being a great human. Worst, ive lost the manual of how to be a human! I hate to this roller coster of emotion! It sux big time! Im confused and im really meet to the dead end.

Should i drag my whole body to fully awake and get a shower, drinking a hot nice coffee the down to the road and have great morning jog or should i just get back to sleep. This is a huge decision that i need to do now!! Which one? 

Nescafe, Great Conversation and Best Friend

hey....

two glass of nescafes, a good conversation with a great friend are the most simple meds to cure my unstable emotion about myself. im relieve that on the day that i feel bad about everything in my life, there is always a distraction to it with only a simple method to be applied.WHEN THINK GOOD YOU WILL BE GOOD!

all that unnecessary unstable emotion can be defeated with only a good positive thinking. i know that and i know i can change and achieved it. im currently am. im happy to the first move and what i need to do is to sustain it to my daily routine. please don't be carried away to the darkness that always envy about your bright future. i know i can change to be better. i should be happy and must look forward to be a "super-stylish future me. i know it along journey but yup im happy im not sitting there and wait . im positively happy to wake up in this darkness and pursuing my scramble pieces of dreams this early morning. I MUST MEET THEM. 

a fall is only make you stronger. learn from it and always thankful to the day of that day, because for it reason make you more appreciate things in life. emotion only leads you to something that is nonetheless than a sweet dark misery. and for future undertaking, u just need a great positive thinker.  please make a great hot kiss to those yesterday's chapter. please be aware that you have been upgraded to the new level in life. if there are something bad happen in future, please deal with it with a nice sweet smile and swept it away in just one click of finger. SNAP! been there done that. 

i know you wont hate yourself for so long, because the reason you hate yourself doing that past mistake is that you loved yourself and always be. i know....there is a long way to go.. but above that im back again to this dreams explorace. 

azan subuh is currently reciting out loud through the fresh air breeze morning of mine. hope ill fill in my day today with a good and productive day ahead. start with cleaning would be good, just to get rid of that unnecessary old negative dirt vibe. KACHING!! white and positive.!! :)

love,

farisya

Ears Meds

RESCUE ME!

Ultimate Love

it keep on lingering on my mind right now. What is the meaning of love? LOVE? what is it with it that really haunt me lately? don't get me wrong here. im not talking about one to another one love. but the love that i need to given to myself, which means love yourself. i just couldn't figure it out yet or ive lost the real meaning of it. i really couldn't figure it out for this moment. it seems very hard to find it until at one point i feel hopeless and sick of searching for it. i know i cant stop loving myself no matter what, but on the other hand i don't find at least a good point of doing it so.

im terrible to myself lately. i don't love myself anymore lately and i hate to feel it. i know ive been avoiding it for quite sometimes but i cant deny to the fact that i hate how i treat myself.i couldn't answer to any of it. why am i doing this again?

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 i know i should keep moving ahead. i know i should make what i really want. i know i should make use of what i have in me. appreciate what i have more rather than complaining and arguing. i know that...but if only there is anyone can help to figure it out what happening to me right now....i more that thankful for your existence because right know im lost in this deep shit scary hole of mine. 

im like a ticking bomb.i cant be touch nor be abandon. i know i need to be positive. i need to focus and i need to work determinedly to the goal that im hoping for. i need to face the future. i need to meet to you future elegantly. i have to set a new mind set for a better living as human being.i cant always stays here in this lonely scary planet anymore. i need to set ne goal. i need to cripplingly wake up in this emotion and divert it to a goal that u need it to be heading. i don't want to meet your future in this kind of look. im surely it looks horrible this way. i don't want my future me to disgust on me know. 

damn!! damn!!  damn!! damn!!

UNTIL WHEN? UNTIL WHEN? i should ask this more often to you right. and WHAT IS NEXT? WHAT IS NEXT? who i wanna be? who? seriously and honestly speaking this is not what i want to be for tomorrow. i know i don't want to be this. im sure. 100% sure.

i don't need to do this for others. i just need to adjust what is wrong. that all. learn and try to listen to yourself again. try to develop the love in you again in other for you to love something else in your life. to to communicate with the love that you hope you can deliver. a love that strongly shape you to who you want to become. seriously im sad because i couldn't feel it anymore here. i need to strongly believe that with this love im able to help myself and meet my future dreams. all i need is love. dear farisya, love is not a scary thing. love is not a hard thing to gain. just believe that you love yourself and it will always leads to love what u r doing. i know you can do it again. i know you should do it. and don't forget, Allah is always with you no matter."Katakanlah aku lebih dekat dari nafas". you should be thankful of have knowing all this.. what is more powerful from Allah's to you. Hope i am ready to be loved again.

p.s : just a random self talking.

love, 

Farisya

Dark Bubble

" Hello my friend and we meet again..."

Just a random song crossing my head while im typing this... currently thinking. it is either to be or not to be a good friend that witnessing their best-friend big wedding day..yup im one of the bridesmaids. Recently there was a lot unfortunate event occurred in my life that i wish i will not dealing with it again. Though i know it is not a big deal for someone else, but for me it does. Two days ago, ya ive lost my tab. My only latest gadget that i can afford after ive sink-in my Blackberry.  i felt terribly horrible because i bought that tab for my birthday gift and it is not even one month yet! i feel so bad. that is the only thing that i can link to the world. ive lost it while eating at bangsar the other day. huh!! i cant even take care of things anymore then how should i take care of myself then. i know ive seems a little bit emotional right now even after a few days of lost it. hello it is my only present that i can afford for myself for the time being.

Back to the wedding, yup tomorrow is Joy's & Shrek wedding at Seremban. i feel so bad currently how to make it to the wedding. im thinking about how am i gonna be there on time without make her thinking that im late on purpose or even make myself thinking that im a bad girlfriend. if only you know joy how im feeling bad right now. Ntah. i need to plan my day for tomorrow since it is also my second interview session which is essay writing. i hope im doing well for that. i really hope it went well. im all mix up.with the money issue car issue, unfinished issue, self issue and so on  that i have now...im feeling really bad that i cant explain. i don't expect people to understand me for that. i don't expect at all.

i know i should change this feeling for a better day ahead or even for a better journey to meet the future me, but i dont know it seem so hard to push that wall. i am trying crawlingly. ive that plan in my head already. i just need a jumpstart all over again. i know i can. even everyone told me that i can do it. also i believe that i can do it. Arghh...that emotion! i just hate you badly right now. you are so strong that i can defeat you even by an inch yet. i hope soonest ill conquer the rest of you soul. i really hope so. 

i know i need to study for my essay tomorow..but i dont know what to study. and i wish my luck is with me. Amin. Allah i know u heard me right but if you dont bless me for that, you the only one who know the best for me perfectly. for joy i think, i need to be there no matter what. no excuses! i know. im still thinking how. please let me be.

love,

Farisya Musa