November Rain

early today, earth was celebrating November with a breezy rain. Rain that shows us ow grateful to still living in this planet peacefully including me. im glade im still here. but that rain get me  a bit emotional. how things goes too fast. less than 2 month will be letting 2012 behinds. that even scares me a bit. ill become 26th then, left my 25 years behind. ive been here almost aprox half of my life...and will be facing another half insyallah. im anxious at the same time emotional about it. why? hmmm...maybe there are still some dot of my life have not yet link n connected. im curious. that is about. until when the curiosity will be my roots in life, im not sure! hmmm....surprise me with a good gift and with a precious moment. im glad i still have some magic and more show to witness. i need my eyes to open wide and my heart to accept everything gracefully. I am happy wit all te destiny that have been marks as my journeys. i hope it made me different and for more importantly, it make me, Myself! :)

November Rain. i just in love with the name. i don't know it just seems what it is. it feel perfect with each other an compliment each other. i feel peace. even when middle of the nite like dis. im glad i still have time for myself talking and caring about myself. Yup, maybe i have not realize it before that i have given a perfect life. i have great family, i have them as my support,  i have good health and i have enough ideas about what i need to do in life. what are more grateful more than that right?

i get emotional easily. i don't know, i am. im sure that is exactly i am. what you see outside is actually just a layer of me that i share with everyone else. people who know me, they know what i am actually and that im rarely share with anyone. but to make people believe about it on the other hand wouldnt be any matter to me. it is still me in or out, all or half of it. but ya....sayu is what it is now! i don't know maybe because i will letting 2012 left me behind or im excited dump the immature memories far behind and meet my another half in future 2013. :)

November Rain,
Farisya

Saya Manusia Kecil

Ding dong bell....hey! it near end of October! i cant believe how times flies to fast! i doesn't  have enough air to catchup with new ting happen in my life. damn! im too busy adjusting my life to fit to world expectation and my own expectation in life. too bad that i cant find anything fit me perfectly in the mean time or im just being too picky and hard on myself. argh watever it is, i just want it to be the best for myself and future.future really make me hardly to breath cos i dont see any point that i can hold on to. Place to hold so that im sure it is happening as i imagine. but for Si Manusia Kecil is a different story.

Manusia Kecil? yup in future ill be facing a new title. as an auntie and for sure, ill be the only auntie that can spoil Si Manusia Kecil. haha...im all yours! hiks! im happy to think about Si Manusia Kecil. it gives me a new hope and i think not only for me, for my family especially for my sister. Ntah im always happy at the first time i heard about the news. And even too excited about it now, cos all the reaction to the world and life is become real day by day. It some sort give me strength to believe in hope again. it is also says that, it is not wrong to imagine things and believe that miracle will happen in the right time as what have been plan for you. Have Faith. and ya Si Manusia Kecil is soon will be real as what everyone has hope and dream for. YEAY! im happy for that.

'Si Manusia Kecil is sama dengan Miracle i can say' haha...what a complicated sentences. but yup, the existence of him make me feel that i am a small human live in the huge world that sometimes hardly for me to cope with thing. but it give me hope that miracle and magic is alive and real! it exist! somehow in the minute everything your wish will come true with a blink of eyes. On the other hands, it also teach me that, Allah as All Mighty have not abundant any of his creation alone in a lonely terrible place. he just leave you there to teach you how and what u should changes to yourself. You learn and do something from it. right after a minute u realize about it, he open the Miracle for you to venture and continues the beautiful living ahead confidently.

and now what i really want for myself is get more productive and do something worth it. use your time perfectly to what u need to do cos in the end times always be your biggest enemy. use all the opportunity that u have now and create something that u want. stop depending on something or someone cos in the end like what u always said, no one can help you rather than yourself. u always know that. So, yup no matter how hard it is or no matter what situation u in, just don't loose hope on things. because only hope can lead you to your destination. May all the happines stays with us forever.

Manusia Kecil,
Farisya

Get Inspired!

hello world! may all the goodness stays with us forever! there's a lot of ideas in my mind right now. mostly for the upcoming project that ive always dreams off! i get too excited to think about it. and there are thousands of thing mix it up together in my head and i cant hardly wait to transform it into reality. so i hope everything goes well according to plan! wish of everything will come true cos i promise it worth trying. better than never!

above will be some similarities to a group of my project. till we meet in future! AMIN


goose bump,
Farisya

Better

Farisya

Brigter Future.

Today has been the closure of Eid! No more agenda or activities that can keep me busy. Next? hmmm...im still wonder. i have not think much about my future lately. im totally let the mother nature buried me in this hectic busy world. hoping to let them show me the path that i need to go. but as far as i let it take control of my life, the harder i could breath. even harder now, late nite like this.im sure the lack of occupancies of world chores, im restless and thorn with the emptiness. i have let my mind control of everything. i let down the observation strength of mine to where i should not let be in. Emptiness that lead me cant bare no more to live like this. i need to do something! i need to plan something! i need to take back all the dreams and hope that always be my strength and motivation and run the world again.

Yups...i need to run My World again. No way out! to be or not to be..this is the path that i have to finish. the destination tha i have to survives. and the road that i have to go on through. shortcuts never exist in reality. it only exists in a coward creature world. their existence only count when u be the one! COWARD! and im always not and i dont want to be it ever in mylife. so before others tell me that this is who i actually am..i need to push myself far from it. i dont want to be even near it. that is not a mission that i want from myself.

yesterday has passed by, let past be past. regret about it means you want to be better in future. u need to be better. everyone did mistake but the one that is dumb enough is the one who don't know how to learn from the mistaked that has they done. ups and down of life is a necessary ingredient like salt and paper in food. i have forgive what u have done and it is time for you to back on track. i know you have a lot to offer to yourself. i know u have the strenght that people see in you. u justhave to believe again. that is what u need now. u always have. and u always will.

what will be my next enthusiast? Money i guess. do something worth your talent. do something that can bring pleasure to your needs. do something that satisfying your emotion and soul. but whatever it is, i don't mind because i know what ever i do ill do perfectly good. just keep on busy and keep on doing something that can lead me to a brighter future. Later, let the rest of the world cheer you up and may the happiness always be with us. Amin.!

Futurist,
Farisya

I DONT KNOW!

hye peti besi kata-kata...

yup....again i have a bad news for u again dis time. i dont know when is the time that im actually gonna share my happiness with u. i dont know..i hope for that damn badly. yup...my life currently is so bullshit. i cant even stand it to face everyone...two years of living in this stupid dead n black world make me so sesak nafas. im down, im mess, im total loser and i hate myself!i know that is not good for a healthy life.yup i admit it. im not healthy emotionally and phisically. huh!

i did something more stupid which relate to me, my carrier, my family and everyone that know me that day. where actually i can see the outcome from earlier. i dont know why i am so gamble to make dat decision in my life and take everything under my control konon. huh! i dont know why....sumpah...dis is not what i plan for. im so bersalah to everyone and even i hate that i can say it to them even i can even say it to myself! sumpah im so gila babi x suka with myself.. i walked around kl aimlessly dat nite! damn....sumpah...pls lead me to the path that i really want. i want that. hoping for i see it from the light ive seen dat nite. neon, traffic light, car light, signboard etc...i need some hope dat say...hey u gonna be find! u gonna change urself..u learn it! i need it for myslef to know that...hey common....this is what u should learn....and dis is what happen when u do dis. dis is what u supposed to feel. and THIS FEELING IS SUX BIG TIME! seriously.. i cant even walk looking straight....im restless to think about my life now....apatah lagik future. buntu..!

yup..i dont know maybe someone will try to find what is my problem HERE...i know u just wan to know my problem...ntah! i think i dont even know what is my problem...i guess myself is trying to sabotaging myself....seriously.....i wanna skip all this..i want to get out from here...i want mylife back...i want everything that i want...i want to be normal again...i want everything to be ok again...and what most important..i want myself back! sumpah perasaan ni sgt melemaskan aku...i couldnt breath to live! damn....

i make ayah hates me, i make mak hates me, i destroy my carrier contact, im not punctual in my work.. i dont know the roots of my problem...i dont...seriously..im lack of motivation...im lack of wiill to be good..im lack of confidence to face the world, and im lack of confidence in myself. im angry....i dont have the drive anymore...malam tadi sampai rasa nak pegi jauh sgt..keje kat laut...x pelah room services ke....tukang masak ke...and what not...sebab x nak face my embarrassment n my mistake. damn!

x tau smpai bile i will drag my life like dis...i dont know...yangpasti aku x nak bende nie happen again cos the pain inside is so hard for me to face it. it is hard to feel disappointed with yourself. cos u cant get it away from u cos it is you.....mummy said, im not feel shame or kesal with all the trouble i make...it hurt my heart damn badly! sumpah....if only mummy knows how badly im trying to change and how badly im dont want this to happen....SUMPAH! i hate myself...even daddy said : "kau x penah nak berubah, ikut kepala sendri, x nak dgr ape org ckp" sumpah....dat words hurt me sgt2....how i wish dis never happen. how i wish im not gonna hurt both of u. i never wanted to dat is not what i want in life. even that is the biggest fear in my life and now......congratulation u berjaya face ur fear! PFFT!!

bad,

farisya nadiah